5 Lessons on friendships.

Lessons I've learned about friendships



6/18/20244 min read

Hello fellow readers, welcome to the blog! Today we'll discuss 5 things I've personally learned about friendships. Through my life I've had many close relationships and a few times with people who weren't really nice or friendly to me at all. The people you spend your time with have a tremendous effect on how you think about yourself and consequently on your life outcomes, so you need to literally pick them as often as you can, there is a purpose even in friendships. Here are 5 of the lessons I've learned throughout the years.

1 - Life is too short for "superficial" friendships.

You should be intentional about your friendships. You should ask if your "friend" is someone you can trust, or admire, or someone who can teach you something valuable, someone who has accomplished something you also wish to achieve or is doing something you also dream of doing.

I don't intend here to say, you should take a utilitarian view of friendships, but that oftentimes our "friends" are just the people we spend regular time with, whether they are good or bad for ourselves, in school or work or recreational activities or church.

Ask yourself, do we have things in common, are they a good influence on me, can I trust them? if the answer to any of these questions is a no, you need to reevaluate that relationship.

2 - Don't have close relationships with people you don't respect.

Do you find yourself mocking a "friend" behind his back or even worse publicly? Did you ever find out that people you thought were your friends and with whom you spend a lot of time with, actually have zero respect for you, and just keep you around for laughs?

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, certain relationships may be beyond repair. It's essential to evaluate whether it's worth continuing the relationship or if it might be healthier to distance yourself. You must establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. This might mean limiting the time you spend with certain people or avoiding certain topics of conversation. Whatever you do, do not allowed them in your inner circle. Make sure you yourself are respectful to everyone at all times but especially so to people you call friends.

3 - Prioritize friends who have, or are doing things you admire and aspire to do or be one day.

Prioritising friendships with people we admire is not a one-way street. These relationships are often mutually beneficial, with both parties inspiring and supporting each other. As we grow and achieve our own goals, we can, in turn, become a source of inspiration and encouragement for our friends, creating a positive feedback loop of mutual growth and success.

Reflect on the qualities, achievements, and activities you admire in others. Identify friends who embody these traits and accomplishments and seek to spend time with them and ask questions or join them the next time they go for a training section in the things you admire about them. Oftentimes you'll find that other more inexperienced fellows seek your company so they can learn something from you, even if it's just so they don't make the same mistakes you did.

A major component of wisdom is to be able to learn from other people mistakes, because not all mistakes are reversible. We cannot go through life stumbling upon every obstacle completely unscathed, some obstacles do change your life and not for the better. Hopefully this will resonate with you and be helpful in your path towards purpose.

4 - Be brutally honest, but kind always.

You should always seek to do good to your friends, oftentimes that involves telling them what they don't want to hear. If you catch a friend doing something stupid or even dangerous you should tell them, if possible always in private. They might not appreciate it at the moment but with time they will. Honesty builds trust and when friends know they can count on you to tell them the truth, they will recognise their blind spots and areas for improvement, and vice-versa fostering mutual development.

Constructive feedback and honest conversations are vital for personal growth, deep friendships thrive on transparency. Brutal honesty can deepen your bond, showing that you care enough to share the truth, even when it's uncomfortable.

Kindness preserves their self esteem, encourages open dialogue and increases their receptivity to constructive feedback. What I have to say is so important that I don't want to create a "distraction" where they become focused on how what I said made them feel, instead of on the content of what I said. Not to mention, it helps them feel comfortable in also being brutally honest with me. Kindness in honesty reflects respect for your friend’s dignity. It shows that you value them not just as a friend, but as a person deserving of compassion.

5 - Forgive quickly.

In Matthew 18:22 Jesus instructs His disciples to forgive when one offends them, because that's how God behaves toward us. Holding onto grudges keeps us tethered to negative emotions, causing stress and unhappiness. Forgiving quickly liberates us from this emotional baggage, allowing us to experience joy and contentment. Forgiveness can strengthen relationships by fostering trust and understanding, It also shows others that you value your relationship more than the conflict, paving the way for deeper connections. Several times I avoided having these hard conversations with close people who had offended me, but the times I actually decided to go through with them, they always deepened that relationship and increased mutual understanding and respect.

Forgiving quickly is not about denying your pain or allowing others to continue to mistreat you, it does not mean you allow someone a second chance at stabbing you in the back. It’s about reclaiming your peace and emotional well-being. It's about taking ownership of your life, instead of blaming teachers, parents or false friends.

By learning to forgive swiftly, you open the door to a more compassionate, serene, and fulfilling life. Remember, forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. Embrace it wholeheartedly and watch as your world changes for the better. See you all soon!

a group of people standing around a brick wall
a group of people standing around a brick wall